he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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