Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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