she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
