I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
