At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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