He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
