Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
