I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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