you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
