dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
