aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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