Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
