someone threw a dead crab at me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
