k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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