I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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