He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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