so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
