He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
