So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
