Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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