Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
