Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
