i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sarcasm needs its own font
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
