Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
only if we run a train.
done.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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