bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
