It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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