i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
