The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
