happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found your dick twin last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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