last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
