You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
