I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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