More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
