you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
