I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had to cum in my sink.
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