I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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