i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
