I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
