All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
