is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
