...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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