I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
