So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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