im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
