There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
