I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
