Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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