Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
