I need help removing her.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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