these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
