I must be too annoying 4 u.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
