fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
