Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
