bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
