Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
