Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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