***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
