We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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