Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
