I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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