so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
