I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
