She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
