Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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