I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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