do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
