part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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