My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's rum buckets o'clock
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
