This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
