I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
