so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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