Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
