I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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